you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
