he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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