Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
