I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
