So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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