my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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