I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
