Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
