i need an iv and a liver transplant
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
