UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
