I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
