I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
