i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
