So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
