My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
