Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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