His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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