on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
