how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
