I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
