After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
