God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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