where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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