This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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