I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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