I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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