he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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