She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
