From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
