She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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