Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
