Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
