How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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