I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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