I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
