September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
