He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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