Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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