We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
