Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
