i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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