You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
