they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
