I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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