so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
