I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
