wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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