You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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