Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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