we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
