Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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