He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
